Showing my Wounds

Some will probably wonder how someone like myself could write different things on blogs while in the midst of horrible experiences in life. I don't write with selfish intentions. I write to hopefully spread some kind of wisdom to other mothers who are in my same shoes. I read blogs to get the same that I am looking for. So, I write to you about something that is very personal and very delicate. I pray that this never happens to you, but I know that God is working it all out for our good and he is preparing us for another level in him.
About one month ago, I left home early in the morning to be a model in a hair show/demonstration. My husband took care of the baby while I was gone. I returned in the early afternoon very exhausted. My baby was sleeping, so my husband suggested that I take a nap. I took his suggestion. I woke when he left for work and took the baby down to his high chair to feed him. After a while, I noticed that he was not playing with his right arm. I called his pediatrician and she instructed me to take him to the emergency department at the children's hospital. Long story short, my precious baby had a fracture in his forearm. My husband went over and over the details of their day and he did not notice the baby behaving strangely or being cranky. He did not drop the baby or remember any instance when the baby fell. Israel was a very happy baby who did not cry much. We anticipated his needs and it has worked out in our favor. I noticed the baby's arm was warm to the touch, which indicated that the fracture was hours old. It did not happen while the baby was with me. We were crushed and emotions filled the room in the ED. The Department of Children and Family Services got involved and it resulted in our baby being removed from our home for 4 days. For 4 days, we did not eat. For 2 days, I could not pray or worship. I was not mad at God. I was not asking God, "Why?" My mouth was shut up and I was experiencing deep depression. After many people interceding for us and after I heard my baby on the phone, I got off the bed and began to cry out to the Lord for help. I did not blame my husband or accuse him of intentionally hurting our baby because I knew that he did not. Everything that he told the investigators that happened, they said that it could not have resulted in the injury. Everything that I told the investigators that happened while my baby was with me, they said could not have resulted in the injury. Our baby was returned to us after 4 days, but not the way that we sent him. He came back to us minus a few pounds, smelling like a dirty house, and wearing very bad looking clothes. What in the world? We were just so happy to see and hold our baby again that we just kept our mouths shut and did not complain.
Now we are dealing with the police department investigating us and trying to get me to incriminate my husband. First of all, if I thought that my husband would do something bad to our baby, I would have thrown him to the wolves, even though I love him dearly. You cannot mess with my children and think that I am going to cover for you. If I thought that my husband was covering up an accident, I would have encouraged him to come clean with it. It would have been easier to deal with an accident than to deal with the reality of not knowing what happened to your baby. And that is our reality. We just don't know how the injury occurred and that is very bad. While that is bad, we have submitted our all to God and we trust that he is going to work this situation out for his glory. We have prayed and fasted and have had every person that we know who prays to pray with and for us.
We are very cautious now, but we refuse to walk in fear. The enemy is trying hard to keep us from our destiny, but he is a defeated foe. We have the victory in this case and no devil in hell is going to tear our family apart again. Thank you for reading. God bless you.

Believe God

I was staring at my 25 week old son today and was thankful to God that he is healthy and developmentally intact. I feel so blessed to have this child in my life and I am honored that God would trust me to raise him. Months before, the doctors were suggesting that we terminate the pregnancy because they found issues with his brain. My husband and I stood on our faith in Jesus Christ, that He would heal our baby and he would go on to have a healthy life that would bring Him glory. After much prayer of many around the nation and the world, our baby got a clean bill of health. He was born at 38 weeks gestation at a whopping 8lbs and 14 oz.

I say all of this to say, never doubt God and teach your children to do the same at a young age. There is nothing too hard for him. And while there is definitely a need for doctors, I know who the Great Physician is. The doctors may give us results that we don't want to hear and we have to choose which report we are going to believe. I am telling you to believe the report of the Lord and do not waiver in your faith. Naturally, the enemy will bring unbelief and we have to cast down those thoughts and imaginations and replace them with the Word of God. When our children see how we respond to our afflictions, trials, and tribulations, it will encourage them in their walk and it will duplicate in their lives and their children's lives.